You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
In America we eat man semen.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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