I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
