I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I'm both gender and math confused
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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