that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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