I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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