Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
