worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
