I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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