I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
