I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
