It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize