do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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