I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
