I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
