That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize