Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
We were destined to go to rehab together
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
