Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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