i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize