Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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