He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
