omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
It was confusing and full of hummus
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
