I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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