WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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