Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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