I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
