My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
