i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I wish i was in the wii world.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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