The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
