i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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