I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
