Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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