Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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