Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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