if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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