i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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