How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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