My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
