forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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