How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Randomize
