All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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