i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
