How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
