To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
