I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
