If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
This baby is an asshole
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
