I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
