I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
