She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
