I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize