I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
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