i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
