Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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