I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
