Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
