woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize