Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I deserve this hangover.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
