Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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