I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
