doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
tequila makes me forget i have legs
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
