Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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