I look better un-naked...
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
