so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Randomize
