Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize