White coat. Heels.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize