ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
