She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
