I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
