If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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