Just took my morning after pill in the library
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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