I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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