I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
