either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
